


Love and Loss

by Eggling



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen, Victoria's mentioned but doesn't actually show up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 15:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggling/pseuds/Eggling
Summary: Zoe finds Jamie having a private moment.





	Love and Loss

**Author's Note:**

> on [tumblr](https://the--highlanders.tumblr.com/post/186885064846/love-and-loss).

The corridors of the TARDIS were almost always quiet.

The simple fact had stood out to Zoe as soon as she had ventured deeper into the ship for the first time. It was not the same oppressive silence that had filled the halls of the academy where she had spent her childhood, stripping away the history of that old building and half-suffocating the students until they were dull and cold. The TARDIS hummed gently in the background, and if she closed her eyes, she could almost hear the laughter and conversation of its past occupants, as if their presence was pressed into the very air and made timeless. But it was not like the Wheel, with its rooms full of jostling people and creaking machinery. The soft noise of the TARDIS settled her, giving her a sense of warm security that seemed distantly familiar. She paused, tapping her fingers in time with the ship’s groaning and wheezing.

As she stood there, frozen in place, she realised that another sound lay below the ship’s usual ambient noise.

The sound of someone crying.

It was soft, barely audible, and Zoe frowned, wondering for a moment whether she had really heard it. The TARDIS’ doors could be set to muffle all sound, and the corridor was deserted. Surely it had been some small glitch in the engines, or perhaps the ghost of a memory, caught in time. _Besides_, she thought, _there’s nobody else here except for the Doctor and Jamie_. She had left the Doctor in the power room only a few minutes before, and… _well, it could hardly have been Jamie, could it?_

Just as she convinced herself that she had been imagining things, another choked sob echoed down the corridor.

Zoe glanced around herself nervously, spotting a half-open door only a few meters away. She made her way towards it slowly, glancing up and down the corridor in anticipation of some unknown danger. But when she pushed the door open she found only a bedroom, decorated in soft colours and floral patterns – and Jamie sitting on the bed, stroking the ears of a toy bear with a tartan ribbon tied around its neck.

“What are you _doing_?” she asked, staring down at him confusedly.

Jamie startled at the sound of her voice, leaping up from the bed and sending the bear tumbling to the floor. He wiped at his eyes hastily, and Zoe’s puzzled frown only deepened. “I was just – erm...” His words trailed away, leaving him staring at her silently, wide-eyed and lost.

“This isn’t _your_ bedroom, is it?” Zoe stared around the room. It hardly seemed to fit with what she knew of Jamie, but neither did the idea of finding him crying and holding a child’s toy. After their adventure in the Land of Fiction, she had thought she understood Jamie. Perhaps she had been wrong.

“Och, ‘course it isn’t. It’s..” Jamie shuffled his feet, drawing in a deep, shaky breath. “It _was_ Victoria’s room.”

“Victoria?” Zoe tilted her head. “Oh, I see! She used to travel with you?”

“Aye.”

“Who was she?”

“She was...” Jamie shrugged, seeming a little helpless. “A lassie just a wee bit younger than ye are. From about a hundred years after my time.”

Something clicked in Zoe’s mind. “She was the girl in the projection the Doctor made for me.”

“Aye, she was.”

His laugh was hollow with sadness, and Zoe felt a sinking feeling of dread at the thought of this girl’s fate. She reached out to touch Jamie’s arm in comfort, briefly and awkwardly, before snatching her hand away as if scalded by the contact. “What happened to her?”

“She left. Just before we met ye, she decided travelling wasnae for her, an’ that she wanted tae stay on Earth.”

Another piece of the puzzle fell into place. “That’s why you didn’t want me to come with you.” He had been grieving, Zoe realised. And she had come barging in, unknowingly trying to take the place of a friend he had only just lost. “Was she anything like me?”

“No’ really.” The ghost of a smile crossed Jamie’s mouth. “We didnae take ye on as a replacement, ye know. Well – I think the Doctor wanted someone else he could look after. But it’s no’ like we want ye tae be her. That wouldnae be fair to either of ye.”

The idea of someone wanting to look after her would normally have made Zoe chafe with annoyance, but something about the way Jamie said it felt different. A wave of warmth washed over her, something undefinable deep in her chest, like the TARDIS humming. “But what are you doing here now?”

“Sayin’ goodbye.” Jamie waved his hand, gesturing to the room around them. “The TARDIS archives rooms that aren’t bein’ used. It’s been a few days since Victoria left, for us, so she’ll be comin’ for this one soon. I’ve just been tidying Victoria’s things for her.”

Leaning down, Zoe picked up the bear tentatively. She looked down at its honey-coloured fur, touching the tartan ribbon gently. “If the TARDIS archives the rooms, surely there’s a way to bring them back. You could visit whenever you wanted.”

Jamie shook his head. “The Doctor showed me how tae do it, but I dinnae think it’s a good idea. Ye cannae get yourself stuck in the past like that. An’ she still wouldnae be here, anyway.”

He spoke with such a resigned finality that Zoe was sure he had had the same debate with himself countless times. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you? Said goodbye to people who’ve travelled with you.”

“Aye, an’ others besides. Left them behind, or no’ know what happened to them. Or buried them.” He gave a bitter laugh. “You’d think I’d be good at sayin’ goodbyes by now.”

Zoe held out the bear to him. “I think you’re better at it than I could ever be.”

Jamie hesitated for a moment, then took the bear, pressing it to his chest. “Ye learn tae leave people. I hope ye never have to, mind, but I have. An’ ye just have tae let them stay in the past.”

Zoe nodded. “And keep going on, I suppose.”

Settling the bear back on the bed, Jamie smiled down at it for a brief moment. “Aye. But I’ll never forget her.”


End file.
